Over the holidays, we spent a week at our friends’ house before the memorial service for my in-laws, who recently passed away. Our friends live in an immaculate house. Everything has its place, and every place has its purpose… except for the small things, which baffled me. It wasn’t just one thing that didn’t make sense, but a dozen little things. Because everything else was so pristine, that just made them stick out more.
When we returned from our trip, I looked around my own house with new eyes. Suddenly, I could see dozens and dozens of things that didn’t make any sense: the box that’s been sitting in the corner of my room, full of my mother’s old checks, which I still needed to shred. My kids’ old school textbooks, left behind during Covid, which I’d been meaning to take care of. The pantry, where I couldn’t find a single can to save my life without having to move about 20 other cans.
It was at that moment I realized just how many things I’d been ignoring because I simply didn’t want to deal with them. But now that I’d seen them, I couldn’t unsee them… and that meant I was left with only one option: to face the fact that I’d left them unaddressed for too long.
When you’re able to overlook a problem, intentionally or not, life can feel easy. You might ignore the issue, or you might not even notice there’s an issue in the first place. But sooner or later, those problems will rear their heads, and ignorance will no longer be a viable strategy.
The cost of deferred maintenance
When my in-laws passed away, they left their car in front of our house. We hadn’t driven it in a long time, and so it ended up sitting there idle. At the time, we were still trying to get our arms around the aftermath of their deaths. Eventually, though, we realized that the battery was dead. We had to go track down our jumper cables somewhere in our garage, buried under a pile of other stuff. We jumped it, and then I noticed that my car was dangerously low on oil. I’d barely driven it, so I hadn’t checked the oil in a long time. I now had to go to the store, pick up oil, and fill it up myself just to keep my engine from burning out the next time I drove.
We often defer maintenance for things we don’t immediately need to handle. I use cars as an example because there are so many little things that have to be maintained. I remember when I was teaching my teen son to replace our windshield wiper blades. He claimed they were perfectly fine, lifting one up that was hanging by a string and torn to pieces. I explained that while the wiper might still work, if it got any worse, it might scratch the window and end up costing a lot more.
Teaching Jonathan to adult means teaching him not to defer things just because they are inconvenient, but to get ahead of them before they become bigger problems. But even as I was giving him this lesson, I noticed a million ways I was doing the exact same thing. That was what inspired this year’s New Year’s resolution to break that habit.
Deferred maintenance always seems easy at first, but when you let it drag out long enough, it starts to get more and more complicated. This goes for everything you put off: the discussion you don’t want to have with your spouse, letting your kids’ bad behavior go for another day, the friendship that hasn’t felt quite right in a long time. These are small things in our lives, and procrastinating on them usually doesn’t have a huge impact in the short term. But in the long run, ignoring the problem means losing out on the opportunity to fix it once and for all.
Getting ahead of the game
The big things often get most of our attention in life, but it’s the small things that can trip us up the most if we let them continue too long. How do you avoid this? Don’t give the small things enough time to become big things.
Intention often trumps action. We tell ourselves that we’re going to do something, but then we wait and wait until it falls into the background. Our family falls into this trap a lot in our house: When people are coming over, we’ll throw all the clutter into a box and then hide it away. Then, months later, we’ll find these boxes full of random stuff that doesn’t seem to make any sense. And we’ll wonder why we didn’t just put everything in its proper place.
Every year, a friend comes over to our house for dinner with his entire family. This year, they added 13 people to our dinner table on top of our six. Needless to say, it was a very full house. We cleaned every surface, mostly by throwing things in boxes and hiding them away like we usually do. This time, I immediately took the boxes out as soon as the event was over and started clearing them out… only to find other boxes haunting me.
During their visit, I realized that our bathroom—which our kids have been complaining about for a while—wasn’t working quite right. So, while they were still in the house, I ordered the part to fix it. The day after it arrived, I taught my son how to replace the valve mechanism. While I was in the bathroom, I realized that one of the light bulbs was out, so I fixed that too. The sense of accomplishment was stronger than the satisfaction of putting it off, and now I get to enjoy not having to worry about it anymore.
The best way to start something is just to start. Of course, that’s easier said than done, especially when it can be so tough to get the ball rolling. Here are a few tips to get you started:
Don’t give yourself an out. The second you start waffling, you’re already fighting an uphill battle. If you catch yourself making excuses or explanations, put a stop to it and just get started. You’ll be happy you did.
Address issues as you notice them. An easy way to avoid things piling up is to tackle problems as soon as you notice them whenever possible. If something will only take a few minutes to do, then get it done right away. If it will take longer, make a point to work on it as soon as you have time.
Think ahead. Sometimes it can help to think past the short-term reward of ignoring something to prioritize the long-term reward of dealing with it. Picture the relief you’ll feel when it’s done, and ask yourself: If you don’t want to do it now, what makes you think you’ll want to do it later?
Break things down. Sometimes we intentionally put things off because they seem too daunting to tackle at once and we aren’t sure how to get started. Try breaking tasks down into the smallest possible pieces you can, and start by doing just one. Once you’ve tackled the first step, the second step will most likely feel easier.
Ignorance is bliss… until it isn’t. And when you let things get to that point, that bliss quickly goes sour. By overcoming procrastination and handling things early, you can save yourself bigger problems in the future.
Don’t wait
Staying on top of tasks is always easier than digging yourself out from under tasks you leave undone.
That’s why, in 2024, I’m making it one of my resolutions to get ahead of things. I don’t mean the big things, like work or family or relationships. I mean the little things, the ones that are so easy to sweep under the rug. That pile of papers that’s been sitting around for at least three months. The box that’s been in the corner for over a year. The lightbulb that still hasn’t been changed. I call this “fix and finish”: addressing all those little things that are half-done, waiting to be resolved, or starting to cause more problems than they’re worth. It might not be fun in the moment, but if I can get past the discomfort of dealing with it, I’ll be saving myself a bigger headache down the line.
Fix and finish in 2024, and other resolutions
Each year for the past 21 years and counting, I’ve made it a practice to set annual New Year’s resolutions. Some of them I keep and turn into daily habits, while others I discard in favor of other things. Thanks to these commitments, I no longer drink soda (19 years), I floss daily (16 years), I work out every night (11 years), I’m eating less sugar (seven years), I practice intermittent fasting (six years), I write regularly (five years), I cook for my family (four years), I’m getting more sleep (two years), and I’m working to simplify my life (one year).
In the spirit of accountability, here is my list of New Year’s resolutions for 2024, as well as my self-assessment of how last year’s resolutions worked out. As I mentioned already, taking care of the small stuff is a big one on the list for the coming year—and probably the one I need the most.
How last year’s resolutions went
Here is a rundown of the resolutions I made last year.
Simplify: Turns out, we didn’t end up moving in 2023, so our timetable got pushed out. I did commit to spending 20 minutes per day cleaning and organizing as a way to keep making progress. I was able to sustain this for about 60% of the days I was home this year. Since my in-laws’ passing, I have spent much of the time helping to clear out their home and thus made a lot less progress on our own. This one is still very much a work in progress. Still, I have given away over 1,000 items through Buy Nothing groups, sold some on Marketplace (still dogfooding), and donated a lot to Goodwill. 6/10
Health: I have been able to sleep more regularly this year, and I am usually in bed by midnight. I started tracking my sleep quality toward the end of the year, which made me realize I needed to start getting more deep rest, not just clocking hours in bed. I also added strength training to my exercise routine, but I didn’t do the best job at it. 5/10
Relationships: We did not move, so this one wasn’t great. We were able to host a few events in our old house, though. I look forward to moving and tackling this again.
Creativity: I was able to make my Substack writing more sustainable by getting extra help with the blog (thanks, Caroline and Izzy!). I published over 50 articles. I also wrote up more Mommy School comics (although I haven’t had them created yet). 7/10
My resolutions for 2024
Simplify: We are moving (I hope!) into our new house this year. I want to finally learn to let go of things instead of feeling like I need to hang on to everything “just in case.” I will commit to spending 20 minutes per day, at least half the days of the year, clearing things out in preparation for the move.
Fix and finish: The subject of this article! I tend to avoid things in relationships and around the house until I can’t ignore them any longer. This year, I resolve to start being more proactive and getting those small pesky things done. I want to scan our parents’ photo books and digitize all the old videotapes. I also want to finally open those mysterious boxes sitting in the garage and give away the stuff I don’t need.
Health: After reading Outlive, I’ve decided to get my butt in gear. I want to get baseline testing done, avoid ultra-processed foods, and really start to focus on my health. I want to level up my weight training, and I’m committing to tracking my progress.
Creativity: I will continue to write in 2024, but this year I will also be doing a column with Bethany for one of her projects. I will share more when it comes out, so stay tuned!
For further reading, check out my year in review post!
As 2024 kicks off, I’m making a point to reconnect with my ongoing resolutions and start some new ones—namely, getting ahead of all the little things that are so easy to ignore. Putting those things on the back burner can be tempting, but it’s only a matter of time before that backfires. By resolving to be more proactive, I hope to get more things done in the present while making less work for myself in the future.
What are your resolutions for 2024? How do you feel about your progress in 2023? Let me know in the comments!
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